Nothing Hurts More
by pansy1980
Summary: After Endgame, Kathryn is home in Indiana when she finds her diary. And Now the Conclusion!
1. Chapter 1

Nothing Hurts More

After Endgame, Kathryn finds her diary.

It had been a month since Kathryn had come home. The days had compiled together and she had completely lost track of time. Reality had finally started to sink in, and so did depression.

It had started honestly enough. She had been in her old room going through dresser drawers when she had spotted it, in the corner under some heavy winter blankets, her diary. She sat down on the bed and began to read some of the pages.

_Dear Diary,_

_I turned seven today. We had a huge birthday cake with chocolate frosting. The center was made out of ice cream. I got a bunch of presents including this diary from mom. _

_Pheobe was being a pain today so I kicked her under the table. Pheobe is always bothering me. She is such a pest. Why can't she leave me alone on my birthday! Anyways I plan on hiding this diary so that she can't read it._

Kathryn smiled as she turned the page.

_Dear Diary_,

_Today I am 13. I am no longer a child and I refuse to be treated like one. I had an adult birthday part today. I even invited some boys from school. _

_We were having a great time until dad came down and broke up the game we were playing. I was so embarrassed. I still don't know how he found out. Pheobe must have been spying on me again. I hate my sister she ruins everything!_

Kathryn smiled again as she turned the page.

_Dear Diary,_

_I crashed my sister's 13__th__ birthday party today. She was about to kiss a guy when I told mom and she came to investigate. Serves her right all those times she did it to me. She's not talking to me and I am glad._

Kathryn turned the page and continued to read. She put her head back on the pillow and sighed.

_Dear Diary!_

_Guess what I was accepted at Star Fleet Academy! Dad is so proud! I start at the end of the year. I met a really good looking guy today at orientation. Maybe he will ask me out. P.S. Phoebe is still a pain._

Kathryn read the last line and laughed. With as many problems that her sister and her had as kids they were certainly good friends now. She turned the page, and then the tears began to fall.

_Dear Diary,_

_Dad and Justin died today. I couldn't help them. I watched them die._

_TBC_


	2. Remember

Remembering

Pt2

_Dear Diary,_

_I remember climbing out of the shuttle the cold wind whipping against my clothes. The water was icy cold, as I swam for the shore. The current was strong but I was determined. I sat on the dock watching the shuttle sink. I waited for my dad and Justin, but they never came._

_I was rushed to the hospital and released that night. The investigator had told me that it had been a quick death, and that they probably had both died on impact. I guess he was trying to make me feel better, but his words cut me deeply._

_When I got home I sat on the couch staring at the door waiting for both of them to come home, joking with one another. But they didn't come. A few days later I finally made it up to my room. I didn't cry, I didn't sleep, and I didn't go to the funeral. Everything had changed. My past, present, future, were all dead._

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a month since the accident. I haven't returned to the academy. I am thinking of quitting. My heart aches for daddy. I miss him._

Kathryn put down the diary and wiped away some of her tears. She had forgotten the intense lost that she had felt. She sighed heavily, and grabbed a pen off her desk. She flipped through some pages and finally found a blank one. Then she began to write.

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been years since I have written in you. I still recall some of the emotions that I had. But that's the past. After 7 years in the delta quadrant, I have changed. _

_It was a close family. I love all of them. But the one who I loved the most, I never told. His name was Chakotay. Their were days when he would look me in my eyes and mentally I would beg him to stop. I hoped that he wouldn't smile at me so I wouldn't blush- And if he had touched my hand the only thing I could think was how much I wanted to kiss him. _

_But that's the past. He is in love with another. I waited to long to tell him. I wish I had said it only once. Then maybe I could have been his. I love you Chakotay. Always._

Kathryn's thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell chime. She took her diary with her and set it on the dinning room table. It had begun to rain outside and the thunder shook the house. She opened the door and the wind knocked her over onto the floor.

A man stepped inside as the door slammed shut from the wind.

"Kathryn are you alright?"

I knew that voice. I head came up instantly. "Chakotay is that you?"

Chakotay smiled and took off his hat and gloves.

"Expecting someone else Kathryn?"

Kathryn tried to smile but the distain she felt for him bubbled to the surface. And she knew that if she looked at him that he would see it immediately. I walked into the kitchen but Chakotay didn't follow.

"Why are you here Chakotay?"

He looked at me with those eyes, and pondered for a moment about his answer. "I'm here to see you Kathryn."

I was surprised by his answer. I don't know why but I was. He had made me angry coming out here in rainstorm, wanting to see _me!_ I let my angry show a little, "I'm right here Chakotay the same place that I have been for the last few months!"

He walked over to me and smiled. He was dripping wet and asked if he could borrow a towel. I felt embarrassed to have let him inside, and not let him borrow a towel. I led him to the bathroom, where he could have a hot shower.

I went over and made some tea. When Chakotay exited the shower the lights flickered off and then the house was dark. Except for the random lightening that pierced throughout the hose it was dark.

I grabbed some candles from the hall closet and we sat on the couch together. I could have kicked myself for what I asked first.

"So how is Seven?"

He looked at me, and shook his head. "She is with some new student who just graduated from the academy. Apparently he more efficient than I am."

The silence after that moment almost killed me.

Another roar of thunder shook the house. He kept staring at me, and finally I looked away.

"Kathryn the reason that I came was,"

"Chakotay please don't."

He understood and changed the subject.

Halfway through one of our conversations Kathryn fell asleep. I moved her petite frame from my body and covered her with a blanket. The thunderstorm had stopped, and as I looked through one of the windows I saw the neighbor's lights on. As I rounded the dinning room table I saw a book. I grabbed a candle off the table, and turned the book over, revealing its title.

_My Diary_

I know that I shouldn't have. I should have respected her privacy but something drove me to read. I looked over at Kathryn who was still asleep. I slowly opened the book and read.

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been years since I have written in you. I still recall some of the emotions that I had. But that's the past. After 7 years in the delta quadrant, I have changed. _

_It was a close family. I love all of them._

I smiled at the memories of the delta quadrant. We had survived and returned home because of Kathryn. We had also become a family because of her. I continued to read.

_But the one who I loved the most, I never told. His name was Chakotay. Their were days when he would look me in my eyes and mentally I would beg him to stop. I hoped that he wouldn't smile at me so I wouldn't blush- And if he had touched my hand the only thing I could think was how much I wanted to kiss him. _

_But that's the past. He is in love with another. I waited to long to tell him. I wish I had said it only once. Then maybe I could have been his. I love you Chakotay. Always._

As I read the last line tears came to my eyes. I turned the page and wrote her a short message.

TBC


	3. Blank Thoughts

Prt 3

_Dear Diary,_

_It was many years ago that a brave warrior was captured by a neighboring tribe. The warrior was angry until he came face to face with the other tribe's leader. In an instant he fell in love with her. They fought and argued but the angry warrior had made a promise to always be by her side._

_As the years progressed he wasted opportunities to tell her how he felt. One day her shuttle crashed and she almost died in his arms. It was then he truly realized how deeply in love he was with her._

_Kathryn I know that their has never been anyone who has loved you the way that I have loved you. Seven and I went on a few dates together. But no one can compare to you. Years from now they will write stories and tell ancient legends about us and our love for one another._

_Kathryn what I want is you._

_It has always been you._

_Kathryn will you marry me?_

I looked up at Kathryn's sleeping body and closed the diary. I took my coat and hat, and closed the door behind me.

Kathryn awoke the next day and stretched out on the couch. She glanced around the room but didn't see Chakotay. She called to him, but their was no answer. The lights on the kitchen were on so she knew that sometime during the night the lights had begun working.

Kathryn began making her morning coffee, when she saw her diary lying on the table. She made her way over to it and sat while sipping her coffee. She turned the page to the last thing she had written and began to read.

_Dear Diary,_

_It was many years ago that a brave warrior was captured by a neighboring tribe._

Kathryn read the first line and her heart stopped beating. As she continued her heart began beating harder and harder. When she got to the end she was in tears. She turned the page and continued to read, and then she read the last line.

_Kathryn will you marry me?_

Kathryn raced to the door determined to find Chakotay. When she opened the door she was in awe. On the porch lay hundreds of roses, all different colors, species, and fragrances. Now the tears really began to fall.

TBC


	4. You Never Know

Part 4

You Never Know

Kathryn's tears slid down her cheeks, as she began picking up the stray roses off the porch. The thought that even after all these years that he still loved her, overwhelmed her. As she bunched the roses together she saw a small envelope attached to one of the roses. She knelt over and read the envelope.

_Kathryn_

She took the rest of the roses inside, and placed them in a vase. When she was finished she grabbed the envelope off the table and headed to the couch. She sat staring at the envelope; finally she ripped it open and began to read.

_My dearest Kathryn,_

_I'm so sorry for everything that has happened between us. I really must apologize for my behavior. You know me better than anyone, and you know how I feel about you. I have always felt the same regardless of the situation. I can't ever forgive myself for betraying you and your love. We belong together and we always have. When we are apart I dream of the moment that we will be together again. That's why I want you to be my wife. Please let me love you the way that we have always planned. _

_All my love,_

_Mark_

Kathryn stared at the letter. All of her life she had wanted a man to loves her. Now she had two that were both in love with her. Trepidation slowly overtook her senses as she ran to the bathroom and threw up.

The rest of the day was seemingly uneventful, compared to the morning. Every time she thought that she had come to a decision something changed her mind. She was about ready to plan a vacation for herself to get away when she heard the door chime. She ran downstairs and opened the door.

A delivery man was at the door. She smiled at him. The man smiled back.

"Hello maim, are you Kathryn Janeway?"

"Yes."

"This package is for you, please sign here."

Kathryn signed for the package, and took it inside. Even thou she was grown up she loved getting presents. She looked at the beautiful wrapping and was in awe. Their was no envelope and she was curious about who had sent it to her. Then she saw if and knew. On the very top of the package was a copy of his tattoo.

Kathryn slowly unwrapped the package revealing its contents. A long black dress was inside, with a single rose lying on top. The tears began to fall again, as she removed the rose. She read the little message that was enclosed, but found it hard to concentrate through her tears.

_Kathryn,_

_I want to do this the right way. The way I have always dreamt of doing it. Please come to the restaurant at the wharf tonight. The directions are on the back of the card. I love you, and I cannot wait to see you. I have one last surprise for you. _

_Yours,_

_Chakotay_

Kathryn had made her choice. It had been so easy; she didn't know why she had made it so difficult.

The door chimed again. She shook her head, and opened the door.

"Kath, I see you got my gift."

Kathryn swallowed hard.

TBC


	5. Absence

Pt 5

Absence

Mark walked in and casually sat on the couch. Kathryn was already getting annoyed by him and he had just arrived. She hoped that she could break the news to him and still have time to get ready for her dinner date.

"Mark, there is something that I need to tell you. And it's really important."

Mark came over next to her and took her hand. "Whatever it is my dear we can face it together, I have waited 7 years to be with you."

"Mark seven years is a long time and people change. Not because they want to because circumstances change and absence makes the heart hurt."

He released his grab on her and noticed a box on the table. "What are you saying Kathryn?" Kathryn walked over to where he was standing and took a deep breath. "I can't marry you Mark; I am in love with someone else."

"As long as you are happy Kathryn that makes me happy." "May I ask the name of the man you are in love with?"

Kathryn sighed and walked back over to the couch. "It's Chakotay, it has always been Chakotay."

"Chakotay, you mean that rebel that you were trying to catch when you were thrown into the badlands, you love a CRIMINAL?"

"Mark he was pardoned months ago, he is not a criminal any longer, he is a dear friend that I love deeply. Besides you don't even know him."

Then Mark saw the contents of the box and shivered. "So is this what you are wearing tonight to see him? Kathryn I completely forbid it you will not wear something so short and skimpy!"

Kathryn's head turned. "Excuse me Mark I don't think I heard you correctly, I could have sworn that you had said that you forbid me to wear something."

"That's right Kathryn will not go out in public dressed like that. Maybe that kind of outfit is fit for a Maqui whore but defiantly not for you, you're a captain remember?"

"Mark not that it's any of your concern but I am over 18 actually way over 18, and the last time I checked you aren't my mother or father, and frankly I don't give a damn about what you think, especially after you left your own family, got a divorce from your wife so that you could come over here and ask me to marry you!"

"I stayed faithful to you for seven years Kathryn! How could you do this to me?"

"MARK! You married another women how exactly is that being faithful to me!"

Then something snapped inside Mark. He walked over to the door, and looked at her. "Don't go out tonight or you will be sorry Kathryn." Then he slammed the door shut.

As Kathryn got ready for her dinner date with Chakotay, she kept thinking about what Mark had said. _"Don't go out tonight or you will be sorry."_ As she was looking at herself in the mirror the doorbell rang. She ran downstairs picked up her purse and headed toward the door.

A man stood outside the door. "Are you Kathryn Janeway?"

"Yes."

"I am your chauffeur for tonight. Please follow me."

Kathryn shut the door behind her, and followed the man.

"Do you have directions to the restaurant? I have a copy in my purse if you need them."

The man quietly responded. "Thank you Miss Janeway, but I know where we are going."

When they arrived at the restaurant, Kathryn thanked the man, and walked inside. The chauffeur smiled back, parked the car and waited.


	6. The Waiting Is Over

Nothing Hurts More

PT6 The Waiting Is Over

Kathryn walked into the restaurant and was greeted by the hostess. She told her her name and the hostess smiled and led her through the dinning room.

The room was fairly dim, except for the floor lights and the sparkling candles on every table. Near the back of the restaurant sat a nervous Chakotay. He wasn't even sure that Kathryn would come. He hoped that he had not scared her off. Even thou she had never been afraid as a captain deep down he knew that love scared her. And he knew that somewhere inside himself he had the same fear. That was one thing that the both of them had in common.

And then he saw her. She smiled at him as she approached the table. Suddenly Chakotay had a whole new set of worries. He drank in the sight of her, knowing that maybe very soon she would agree to be his wife. That thought made him shiver.

Kathryn sat in front of him, truly amazed that any man could look as good as he did. She looked at the menu and sneaked peaks at him when he thought he wasn't looking. She was caught once, but Chakotay only smiled, exposed his dimples, and said, "See anything you like Kathryn?"

Kathryn smirked at him and continued to read through the menu. Under the table Kathryn gently took off her shoe and gently began to rub her leg against his. This time it was Chakotay's turn to be caught staring. Kathryn laughed at Chakotay's reaction and continued to look at the menu.

Chakotay pointed at her. "Just you remember Kathryn that you started this, don't you forget!"

The food came but they ate quietly. Kathryn ordered some dessert, but was confused when it came. She had ordered some coffee and a slice of cake, but instead was a small bag of coffee. She looked at Chakotay who merely smiled.

Carefully unfolded the package and noticed that it was not coffee at all mealy a small box. Her eyes began to tear as Chakotay came next to her and took her hand. He got down on one knee and looked at Kathryn.

"Kathryn I know that coffee is your first love, but I hope that I could be a close second." Kathryn will you marry me?"

Kathryn tried to say yes but tears clouded her speech. So instead she just bobbed her head up and down. Chakotay got the message and he began to cry a little himself. He pulled her up from the chair and then finally after years of waiting, he kissed her. Kathryn wrapped her arms around him increasing the kiss.

She whispered in his ear that they should get going. Chakotay agreed. As they waited for their check Kathryn thanked Chakotay for the chauffer. Chakotay's head came up. "What are you talking about Kathryn?"

Just then the building shook, glass began to break and everything went dark.

TBC


	7. And Then

PT7

And Then

Chakotay slowly opened his eyes. Everything was dark except for a small sliver of light on his left side. He couldn't get up so he slid across the floor to the light. He kicked at the opening and noticed that he was bleeding hard. His foot went through the opening and then he fell unconscious.

Outside of the building were medical staff, and of course reporters. The building had been decimated by a bomb of some kind. Apparently someone had set it off near the restaurant. No one knew why or how many patrons were inside the building at the time of the explosion. As dogs climbed through the rubble looking for survivors, one barked. The medical staff ran over and noticed a foot protruding through a crack.

"We have a live one here, he needs medical attention now!"

They hoisted the body on a stretcher and took it back to the hospital.

Hours later, Chakotay slowly opened his eyes. He turned his head and tried to get up when a nurse came over to him.

"How are you feeling sir?"

"Ok, but what happened to me?"

The nurse took his hand. "You were in an explosion, a bomb went off."

Chakotay finally put the pieces together as his memory began to take fold. "Where is Kathryn?"

The nurse looked at the man in front of him. "You're the only one that they have brought back sir, their has not been any one else."

Chakotay shot out of the bed. "I have to find her." The nurse tried to stop him but she knew that it he would not be stopped.

Chakotay walked into the hallway, and noticed a changing room. Thinking on his feet, he grabbed one of the doctors garments threw it on and walked out of the hospital undetected. He had to find Kathryn. His Kathryn.

When he got to the remnants of the restaurant. He was in shock. The entire structure was damaged. He went to one of the medical staff and asked if their had been any more survivors. The man shook his head. "I'm sorry sir, it's been almost 12 hours, and we haven't found anyone." Just then a voice came over his radio. "We have another live one, in critical condition."

Chakotay followed the man as he ran over to the survivor. He looked down. Kathryn he whispered. "You know this woman asked the man?" "Yes, she is my fiancée we were in the restaurant together."

Chakotay sat in the hallway of the hospital. He felt useless. Finally out of the hallway came Kathryn's sister. She approached Chakotay and he noticed the tears in her eyes.

She sat down next to him. "She is fighting Chakotay but she is really bad, they just don't know."

"Chakotay there is something else. The man who did it, he was in a chauffer car, he had a suicide note. They found the body but it had been disguised."

Chakotay clenched his fits. He started to shake. "Do they know who the man was?"

Pheobe took a deep breath. "The man has been identified as Mark."

TBC


	8. Comedians

Nothing Hurts More

PT8

Chakotay sat in the healing garden outside the hospital. The trees and flowers swayed in the wind. The air was light and fresh, as the clouds rolled by in the sky. It had been two days. Two days since he had found out that Mark had been the one who had bombed the restaurant. The last time that he had felt like this he had joined the Maqui. A part of him wished that Mark was still alive so that he could kill him himself. But he knew that he was thinking foolishly, he was an old man now, compared to when he had joined the Maqui.

His thoughts were interrupted by a woman calling his name. He looked up to see Pheobe running over to him. Pheobe jumped into his arms nearly knocking him over.

"Chakotay she just came out of surgery, she's going to make it!" He sat Pheobe down and smiled as the tears came strolling down his cheeks. "We better be careful Pheobe someone might mistake us for a married couple."

Pheobe lightly punched him in the side. "Go see Kathryn you big goof."

Chakotay smiled at her and ran off to the entrance of the hospital.

Pheobe watched him leave. She sat on a bench and watching the peace roses swing in the wind.

Inside the hospital Chakotay stopped in front of Kathryn's door. He took a deep breath and walked in. Kathryn was propped up in bed watching out the window. She turned and smiled as she saw Chakotay walk in.

Chakotay simply fell by the side of her bed when he saw her. She put her hand on his shoulder as Chakotay cried. "Chakotay its ok I'm fine, everything is going to be ok."

Chakotay looked at her, and mustered the strength to sit on the bed next to her. He kissed her. And she kissed back. The scent of her drove him a little crazy as he deepened the kiss. She placed her arms around him wanting to be closer to him. He pulled himself closer to her, but never letting his lips separate from hers.

They were interrupted by Pheobe at the door. She merely smiled when she saw the two of them. 'Honestly you two get a room."

They both looked at Pheobe and at the same time said, "We have one." Pheobe looked at both of them and laughed. "Wonderful now I have two comedians in the family."

Pheobe walked over to her sister. "I have signed the release forms Kathryn we can go home now."

Kathryn nodded at her sister. Pheobe looked over at Chakotay who merely kissed Kathryn's hand. Kathryn looked at her sister, and bit her lip. "Pheobe can I take him home with me?"

Chakotay laughed at the expression that Pheobe gave. She threw her hands in the air and walked out of the door. "I give up," she said. Chakotay helped Kathryn out of bed as they walked out of the hospital together.

The three of them returned home. The two lovebirds sat on the couch together cuddling as Pheobe attended to dinner. After they had dinner Kathryn and Chakotay retreated upstairs.

As Pheobe was finishing cleaning up the kitchen, their was a knock at the door. Pheobe opened the door.

"Are you Pheobe Janeway?"

"Yes officer what can I do for you?"

"This evidence was left over. I thought maybe you should have a look at it."

Pheobe thanked the man and took the small envelope.

She opened the contents, and a small golden band fell out of the envelope. She placed it on the table, and began to read the letter. TBC


	9. A Discovery

Nothing Hurts More

Pt9

A Discovery

_Dearest Kathryn,_

_You have really hurt me today. I told you that if you went with that criminal that you would be sorry. But when I set the charge I used to much explosive. I never meant to hurt him. I just wanted to hurt you. _

_I wanted him to know how much pain I have suffered because of him. He took me away from you, my love. I waited for you, I was faithful to you and you exchanged me for a felon! How could you do that to me Kathryn?_

_But that time has come and gone._

_You have no idea who both of you has crossed._

_Enclosed is your engagement ring Kathryn. I hope that you wear it so that I can see it. Because if I don't see it on your finger you will be VERY SORRY this time._

_Your loving fiancé,_

_Mark_

Pheobe screamed at the top of her lungs, as she looked at the letter in disbelief. Kathryn and Chakotay flew down the stairs to a now shaking Pheobe.

Pheobe continued to shake on the couch. Kathryn came over to comfort her as Chakotay picked up the letter from the table. Pheobe whispered in Kathryn's ear. "He's not dead."

TBC


	10. By popular demand

Nothing hurts more 

Pt10

By popular demand

"What are you talking about Pheobe?"

Pheobe handed her the ring, and Kathryn froze. Chakotay stood reading the letter. When he finished he looked at both of the women on the couch and ripped up the letter.

Chakotay kissed Kathryn and told her not to worry. 

"Worry about what Chakotay, Mark is dead, and we are going to be happy together." "What was in that letter Chakotay that has you and my sister so upset?"

Chakotay put the letter behind his back. "Nothing Kathryn."

"Then why are you hiding it behind your back and why won't you let me see it?"

"Trust me Kathryn, it's nothing that you want to see." Kathryn lunged at Chakotay making him tumble to the ground. "Give it to me Chakotay."

Chakotay smiled at Kathryn. "Not in front of your sister Kathryn."

Kathryn gave him the stare, as Chakotay handed over the letter. Kathryn read it and let it fall to the floor. "He's not dead."

Pheobe took the ring and gave it to her sister. Kathryn looked at the inscription on the ring. _"our love has no ends, we will always be together even in death"_

Kathryn dropped the ring to the floor and turned to Chakotay. "We have to go to the police."

"Kathryn they were already here they know about the letter. The officer dropped off the letter himself."

Pheobe turned a shade of green as she tried to swallow. "Maybe it wasn't a real officer, maybe it was Mark." TBC


	11. 8 Months

Nothing hurts More 

Pt11 8 Months

It had been 8 months. 8 months since the day the restaurant had been bombed 8 months since Kathryn had been in the hospital. 8 months since she had received Mark's letter.

Starfleet had been a huge help. They had taken complete control of the situation. And after 8 months of hearing nothing from Mark or anyone else Kathryn began to feel safe again.

So here they all were. Kathryn, Chakotay, Pheobe. Starfleet had taken them in the middle of the night to a secure location. They had no idea where the location was, but it was defiantly secluded. The large cabin was situated on a small lake overlooking a small valley. Perimeter alarms had been set all around the property, and a secure link to Starfleet Security was also in place.

They were all safe.

Kathryn sat on the dock at the lake watching the water. She smiled as a small fish swam under the dock. She leaned over the side of the dock to continue to watch its path. She had leaned just far enough and the next thing she knew she was in the water. Her head came up and she noticed a laughing Chakotay setting on the bench.

She gave him a stare and then tried to pull herself up. Chakotay watched her try to climb up the dock. After a few attempts she looked up at him.

"Chakotay the least you can do is help me up after you pushed me in!"

"I didn't push you in Kathryn you leaned to far over the side and you fell in."

"Sure Chakotay as you watched harmlessly from the bench."

Chakotay smiled at her. "What can I say I was admiring the view."

Kathryn swam over to a shallow part of the dock and climbed out of the water. She walked over to Chakotay who was still seated on the bench gave him a stare and walked by.

"I will have you know Chakotay that I saw an unusual fish."

Chakotay began to laugh. "So you fell in the water after a fish."

Kathryn put her hands on her hips and gave Chakotay another stare. Something caught her eye in the water and she turned. "There it is Chakotay the fish."

Chakotay came over to her and peered into the clear water. "Where Kathryn, I don't see anything." Kathryn pointed out where she saw the fish, and just as Chakotay leaned out a little more, Kathryn pushed him from behind. But Chakotay grabbed her before he had even left the dock. Kathryn screamed as she hit the cold water again.

When Chakotay came up, Kathryn splashed him. He simply grabbed her and held her close to his body.

"Now this is what I call a morning bath Kathryn."

"Are you kidding Chakotay this water is freezing, how can you even stand it?"

Chakotay held her tighter and gave her a dimpled smile. "Because I have you to warm me up. He kissed her and as the kiss intensified they ended under the dock.

They both shivered and decided that it was time to get out of the water. As they hurried back to the cabin, Chakotay came up behind her and swept her in his arms. Kathryn placed a few kisses on his lips as they made their way inside the cabin.

Pheobe was busy making breakfast. As the door opened she noticed a wet Kathryn and couldn't help but smile. "Don't tell me that you fell in that water again Kathryn!" Kathryn gave her a little smile. "What can I say Pheobe I like what happens after I fall in."

Chakotay turned a little red, as Kathryn turned to him. Pheobe shook her head and continued to laugh under her breath.

After they had finished breakfast. Pheobe retired to her bedroom to take a nap. Even thou they had been at the cabin for 8 months the altitude still made her ill.

Kathryn and Chakotay went for a walk around the lake. They held hands as they walked. And every once in a while Chakotay would grab her from behind and pin her to a tree. Kathryn laughed whenever he did it, therefore Chakotay tried to do it more often.

They continued their walk climbing on the side of a hill. "Race you to the top Chakotay." They made their way neck and neck to the top. When they got to top Kathryn simply fell over, and Chakotay fell on top of her.

"Kathryn," he said nearly out of breath. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

Kathryn smiled and pulled him closer, "I have some idea Chakotay." Something caught Chakotay's eye. "What is it Chakotay?"

He stood and gazed out over the lake. He was silent.

Kathryn knew why he was silent she saw it too.

The cabin was on fire.


	12. Gone

Nothing Hurts More

Pt12

GONE

Kathryn and Chakotay ran down the hill toward the cabin. When they reached it it was engulfed in flames. All the two of them could do was sit and watch the cabin burn. Kathryn cried in Chakotay's shoulder whispering Phoebe's name. A tear fell from Chakotay's eye as he whispered a prayer for Pheobe in his native tongue.

By morning the fire had basically burned itself out. The only thing that was left was a few crackling ashes. Kathryn lay sleeping on the bench, while Chakotay sat on the other end of the dock.

"Chakotay?"

"I'm here Kathryn."

"I had a nightmare that you died in the fire too, and I was afraid to wake up and be alone." Chakotay knelt next to her and took her hand. "I will never leave you Kathryn, not even in death. My people have a saying the one's who love deeply and fully are never separated."

"Thank you Chakotay, I love you."

"I love you to my Kathryn." He smiled at her as she got to her feet. "We should really head to the valley Kathryn; there is a small village there. I don't think it's safe to stay here." He pulled out a small knife from his side pocket, as Kathryn followed.

They had walked for hours and Kathryn was very quiet. She followed Chakotay's footsteps through the mud, up hills and through thick vegetation. They paused for a moment at a creek where they could drink when Kathryn finally spoke.

"I always hated my sister when we were younger Chakotay. She was always so gifted in everything. After mom died she was all I had to lean on. She lost her husband a month after they were married." Kathryn began to cry again as Chakotay held her close.

SNAP!

Chakotay's head went up. "Kathryn did you hear that?"

Chakotay stood. "Come on Kathryn we need to keep moving."

"Chakotay what did you hear?"

As they reached another pinnacle of a hillside, Chakotay gazed out over the forest. "We should try to make camp Chakotay." "I was thinking the same thing." "We should really stay up here tonight instead of going back in the woods."

"Chakotay you never did tell me what you heard earlier today." Chakotay pretended he hadn't heard her. "I just realized Kathryn that I need to make a fire." Kathryn clenched a fist of her hair, "your not using my hair again Chakotay."

Chakotay chuckled, "don't worry Kathryn." He pulled out a small matchbook from his pocket and proceeded to strike it."

"Where did you get that?"

"When we were in LA, I bought a few of them on the boardwalk. Even thou they are 20th century they work really well."

Kathryn gazed over the valley as Chakotay proceeded to start the fire. Something caught her eye. "Chakotay what does that look like to you?" Chakotay looked out over the valley. "It looks like smoke from a chimney."

Kathryn swallowed. "Chakotay I thought that this whole area was secured by Starfleet."

Chakotay turned to her. She looked worried. "Don't worry Kathryn, we have been walking all day, we are way past the security perimeter."

Kathryn sat by the fire. But Chakotay remained standing watching the smoke rise. He knew what he had earlier. And now it was completely apparent. They were being followed. TBC


	13. BOBS

Nothing Hurts More 

Pt13

BOBS

As the sun began to rise, Kathryn shivered under the pine branches. Chakotay heard her moan as she began to wake. It had been a long night for both of them. Night had come quickly and neither of them had eaten anything for more than 24 hours.

Kathryn awoke and noticed that Chakotay was starring at her. She smiled, and stretched. "Good morning Chakotay."

"Good morning Kathryn." He stretched and looked back over at her. "I'm not as young as I used to be." When I was a kid my family and I used to go camping and we always slept on the ground."

Kathryn giggled. "I hated camping when I was younger and I still hate it."

Chakotay walked over to her. "Sounds like a discussion we had years ago, doesn't it?" Kathryn got her bearings and stood. "I had forgotten all about New Earth, seems like a long time ago."

Chakotay looked over the horizon. "It was a long time ago, but your still as lovely as you were then." Kathryn took his hand. "Chakotay I just want you to know that you are very special to me, and whatever happens, know that I love you."

Chakotay placed a kiss on her cheek. "That goes for me as well Kathryn. My life would be very empty without you." "But right now I think we should concentrate on getting some food."

"Chakotay I think we should head down to that cabin we saw last night. They might be able to help us."

"Agreed." They both headed down the hill toward the cabin.

They made their way through the brush tripping and falling. And just when Kathryn thought she couldn't go any further they ran into a small path. They followed the path to a clearing, and on the other side was the cabin they had seen earlier in the day. Kathryn turned around and looked up the way that they came.

She looked at Chakotay who was standing next to her. "It sure didn't look that steep when we started."

"I will give you that Kathryn. That was a hard climb."

They made their way to the cabin. It was small and completely in shambles. They made their way up the stair toward the door. Chakotay was about to knock when the door flew open.

"Who en tar-nation are you?"

"I'm Kathryn and he's Chakotay."

"Sorry you gots to speak louder then that, I cant hear out of my eft ear."

Kathryn spoke louder. "I am Kathryn and he is Chakotay."

"dats unusuals names ratten and ok." "Where you folks from outer space?"

"Saw me an alien once I did he was green with spokes comein outa is brain." "He was a relation to du family."

Chakotay came closer to the man. "Do you have any communication equipment?" "We are lost and we need to get home."

"Sorry I don't got no equipment udder then my gun, and my pet squirrel rascal."

Kathryn sat on the stair. "Do you have a name sir?"

"Of course I ave a name ratten." "It was my fadders name." Kathryn sat silently waiting for him to tell her his name. After a long few minutes she sighed. "Could you tell me your name sir?"

"Names Billy Orwell Braxton Sons. But people call me BOBS for short. It's not as fancy as you alls names but it suits me just fine."

"You all lot must be stravin. Come on in the ouse so I can fix you all a plate."

Kathryn and Chakotay followed Bobs inside. The cabin was cluttered, dusty and messy. Kathryn sat at the table and nearly broke the chair when she sat back. "Do you have any family Bobs?"

"Family, I gots my squirrel rascals."

Chakotay bit his lip. He tried not to smile. "Bobs she meant do you have a wife or kids?"

"I had me a wife once, but she was allergic to the squirrel so she left. She probably dead now." This time it was Kathryn's turn to bite her lip.

"Here you go, I grewed these vegetables in my garden, and make the soup myself." I hope you like it.

Chakotay took a sip, and looked at Kathryn. Kathryn had the same expression on her face. They were both in shock.

"What do you call this vegetable Bobs?"

"I bought it from a guy oo was sellen it, its called Ye old root."

Chakotay fought back the tears and the laughter. He and Kathryn finished their YE OLD ROOT soup and thanked Bobs for his hospitality. As they were saying goodbye, Bobs took out his gun and shouted. "All right boys you can come out."

In a minute Chakotay and Kathryn were surrounded. Bobs took off the mask he was wearing revealing his true identity." TBC


	14. Difficult Choices

Nothing Hurts More 

PT14

Difficult Choices

Bobs took off his mask revealing his true face. It was Mark. Chakotay lunged at him but the men kept him restrained. He smiled at Chakotay and stepped down the stair to Kathryn.

Kathryn spit at him. "Oh Kath, why do you despise me so?"

"Do you really have to ask Mark? Mark smiled at her. "Let me see your hands Kathryn?" The man holding Kathryn thrust her hands forward. Mark shook his head. "Didn't I warn you Kathryn that if you didn't wear your engagement ring something bad was going to happen?"

Kathryn spit at him again. "If you think I would even consider marrying you Mark, you're more of a psycho than I thought you were.

Mark walked back up to the porch. "So Kathryn what should your punishment be?" He winked at her and then shook his head. He whispered something to one of the men next to him, and the man disappeared into the house.

"Oh Kath, I have a surprise for you," and with that Pheobe was thrown to the ground.

"Pheobe! Screamed Kathryn. Chakotay looked at Kathryn who was now crying along with her sister. "You're a sick man Mark, I thought that the Cardiassians were evil but you are in a league all of your own.

Mark smiled at Chakotay. "Bring him here, and set him next to Pheobe."

"Kathryn here is your punishment. You need to choose who lives your lover or your sister, it's all up to you." "I will be generous and give you a half hour to decide."

Kathryn looked up at Mark. "What if I refuse?"

Mark looked at Kathryn. "Then I simply will kill both of them. Remember you brought this on yourself Kathryn." And with that Mark went inside.TBC


	15. And Now the Conclusion

Nothing Hurts More

Pt15

And Now the Conclusion

Mark reentered the cabin, the door slamming behind him. Kathryn stood strong watching the door.

Pheobe watched her sister. She remembered the last time that her sister looked like this, it was a long time ago but she remembered it clearly. Outside her sister was a tower of strength able to crumble any force that messed with her. But inside, she was an emotional mess.

The minutes ticked by. Chakotay tried to get Kathryn to talk to him, but she stayed silent. Chakotay was worried that she might try to do something foolish. He still remembered the countless times she tried to sacrifice herself when they were in the Delta Quadrant. It worried him. For once he wanted to be selfish, he didn't want her to die.

Pheobe looked up at Chakotay and saw the tears forming in his eyes. She looked back at Kathryn who was now a trembling tower. A brief smile crossed Phoebe's face. They don't even know how much they love each other. A tear escaped from Phoebe's eye. I miss my husband she whispered to herself.

The door to the cabin opened. Mark came out and sat on the stair and looked at Kathryn. "So my little queen have you decided who is going to die today?" He took out the phaser and pointed it Pheobe and then at Chakotay.

Kathryn looked at Mark. "This has nothing to do with them Mark leave them out of this; this has to do with you and I."

Mark shouted at her. "You gave up that right Kath! You disobeyed what I told you not to do. Not once but twice! Now tell me who is going to die, or I make the choice for you!"

Kathryn shouted back at him, "Kill me Mark!"

"That wasn't part of our deal Kath; sorry your time is up."

He pointed the phaser at Chakotay and fired. Just then Pheobe jumped up and took the fire. She collapsed to the ground.

Kathryn screamed, "Pheobe!" It was then that she was surrounded by a pale blue light. She was being transported.

When Kathryn reappeared she was on the transporter. Next to Chakotay. Pheobe was no where to be seen.

Admiral Paris greeted them. "I'm sorry that took so long, Mark put up some barriers and we couldn't transport you off the planet." All of the men are in custody, with the exception of Mark. When we transported you he put the phaser on himself.

Chakotay came over and hugged Kathryn. She was now sobbing.

Admiral Paris came over and touched her hand. "I'm sorry I have more bad news to give, your sister didn't survive, I'm sorry."

A few days later a funeral was held for Pheobe Janeway. A few friends and some family attended. Kathryn stood at the podium and looked on the crowd.

"I would like to thank you all for coming today, Pheobe was not only my sister she was my friend. At this time I would like to read you a passage from Phoebe's diary."

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a year since my husband died. I miss him. Everything reminds me of him. He was so engrained in my soul that when he died we were never separated. Once in life you might find that one person who sees you for who you really are, and embraces the real you forever. He and I shared a passion for life and a love for one another. I miss him and I know that a part of him misses me. The one love that I had in life is gone._

_I hope that my sister Kathryn can find this happiness someday. She deserves it. She has been a captain for far too long, its time for someone else to take the wheel. She has great things to offer any man that can really unlock her soul. If she ever finds that man I would like to say this. Always protect her and keep her safe. _

_She's a pain in the neck my sister, she can push and shove with the best of them. And if you cross her, you better run. I remember I crossed her once; it's amazing that I am still alive._

_I'm not a religious person, we were thought differently. But if my husband's spirit still lives I hope that I can be with it someday._

Kathryn closed the diary. And looked up over the crowd. She softly whispered to herself. "Thank you sis."

A year later

Kathryn sat next to the vegetable garden attending her tomatoes. These days gardening gave her a great since of joy.

"Wife oh wife where are you?" Kathryn grinned. "I'm over her husband."

Chakotay came around the corner and sat next to her. He gave her a kiss and brushed a stray hair from her face. "As I recall Kathryn it's your turn to make dinner tonight."

Kathryn pouted, "Do you _**REALLY **_want me to cook Chakotay?"

"Excellent point wife, I would hate to be poisoned so early in our marriage!" She swatted him, but he grabbed the garden hose. "You wouldn't dare Chakotay!"

"Try me!"

She lunged for him but only received a spray of water. Chakotay knew when it was time to run, and that's exactly what he did. Kathryn ran after him.

The End

P.S- Thank you for all of your kind comments!


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